Clearing out physical and mental space can be pretty liberating. Over the past few weeks (during my hiatus), I've been cleaning house... literally. My closet has been cleaned out, clothes and shoes have been sold and donated, rooms have been saged; it's been an experience.
All of this happened prior to the holidays. I was feeling super positive and inspired, ready to manifest damn near anything my heart desired.
then, I hit a wall
A figurative wall. I had surgery (an excision of endometriosis - shout out to my fellow endo-sufferers) and I was home eating crap for about two weeks. Now, you might be thinking "two weeks off of work sounds wonderful, there's so much time to get things done." On the contrary, I was pretty out of commission for most of the time. I quickly discovered that sitting around all day watching Netflix for days on end does not do it for me. As a matter of fact, I don't think I've ever felt so complacent.
It sucked. I felt so great only days before having surgery; my space felt clean, my mind felt clear. I felt like the world was at my fingertips and I was just about to make shit happen.
what was going on?!
Let's be real, I had had surgery, my hormones were whacked out. It felt like no matter how "positive" my attitude was, my reality wasn't changing. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about mind over matter. I love thinking positively and attracting good things. I genuinely think that stuff works. However, in order for that to work, you really have to believe it. Fake it till you make it is not real, my friends. You can fake anything you want (to everyone else), but when your mind isn't right, nothing else will be either. No matter how great it looks on the outside.
accepted that BS and moved on...
Is exactly what I did. And guess what? it worked! I just let myself feel it. The overwhelming feelings of self-doubt, lack of inspiration, confusion and sadness. I let them all happen. Pretty much bathed myself in that ish. What I began to realize was that letting myself feel those things was actually helping me to feel better. I knew there was really nothing in my reality that warranted those feelings, so I reminded myself of that. It's ok to have seasons of sadness or confusion. They are most often met by seasons of clarity and inspiration (at least for me they are).
just stop with the fake smile
As Ariana Grande would put it, "f**k a fake smile" (if you don't know what I'm talking about, next time you're feeling meh or blah, listen to that song). I'm not saying being a jerk to the people around you, but don't appear to be feeling something that you aren't feeling. People can sense your BS and it doesn't feel good inside either.
All of this made me realize that trying to force myself to "think positively" wasn't necessarily going to make positive things happen. In order for positive things to happen, we have to believe they will. You have to wholeheartedly believe that positive things can and will happen for you. If you genuinely believe that, you'll move through the world that way. As opposed to just telling yourself that until you believe it. You get me?
If any of this resonated with you, let me know! I love your comments and feedback.
Stay tuned for my next post about how this discovery has positively impacted my life!
with love & gratitude,